Personal Statement写作技巧 5个不可忽略的Personal Statement写作错误

时光飞逝……又是2022要来了，许多学校的留学申请都已经通过了告一段落；我们留学生作业网在修改润色留学申请 personal statement (ps)的过程中发现了一个问题，大部分学生根本不知道该如何营销自己。而写留学申请 ps时，往往会出现下列问题，东方代写为同学们整理：

1.中国式作文，冗长

从小学校教的写作方式就是起、承、转、合。很多人在回答申请ps的问题时就打从你一出生时开始交代，等回答到问题的核心后，早已经是5、6百字了。想一想，每间学校每一次招生都至少几千份的文件要阅读，如果头30~60秒没看到重点，你的文件就会被搁在一边，那你哪还有什么机会呢?

2.文不对题

中国的学生常常对personal statement的问题不假思索的回答，却忽略了该学校想透过这样的问题看到怎样的学生特质。再不然，利用特有的亚洲文化特质，“迂回”、“模拟化”的回答，这样老外怎么看得懂呢?

3.表达过于含蓄，不懂营销自我

这个问题比前面两个问题杀伤力更大，当你必须跟好几千名申请者竞争时，学校期待看到的是你会如何推销自己？什么是你的潜能？为什么学校要收你这问学生？你比别人强or不同的地方是什么？但是，中国学生常常非常害怕把自己的优点放大，因为谦虚是何等的美德……唉！如果你真是这样想，那你也别考虑申请学校了！因为连你自己都无法大声说出自己的优点(不好听点是你自己都不认同你自己)…学校又为什么收一位看不出潜能的学生呢？

4.过度炫字

当然，一份好的personal statement除了让别人能直接了当看到你的潜能及魅力外，有深度的用字遣词的确能让主审者看到你的英文能力。但是，很多学生利用中文的意思来找到可以表达的英文字，再从一堆英文字内找到看起来最难的字来用；这样做常常让主审者一头雾水，因为有些古英文字汇已不再使用；或是英文本身的意思与中文相差甚远，让阅读者完全不懂你想表达的涵意。

5.照本宣科、模版爱用者

现在网络确实很方便，非常轻易就可以Google找到模版来使用。主编非常赞同花时间搜寻网站上别人所分享的文章及模版；但是，请不要一昧的抄袭使用。写文章的手法就像是一个人的原始个性，模版只能帮助你对于该怎么写有概念而已，却无法帮助你的文章像你自己。所以花点时间利用模版建立一个”像自己”的骨架，才可以充份让学校看到与别人不同的你。

说了这么多，给个范例，我会把一段学生的原始段落po出，然后把主编修改过的段落以不同颜色po出，请大家一定要先看完原始段落，想一想我所提出的问题，之后再看主编的段落，这样才会帮助到大家！

Beyond your impressive academic credentials and extracurricular accomplishments,what else makes you unique and colorful?

某位学生的回答如下：

I am a typical Chinese student,born in China and raised by Chinese.However,my parents decided to move to Canada,so I studied for one year.At first,it was very hard.New environment,new language and new friends,everything is waiting for me to get used to.I soon found my way out by joining the year book club I made new friends there and improved my English in a relatively short time.After one year,I could totally fit in and decided to stay in Vancouver as long as I can.That was when I found that my mom was actually upset in living abroad although she never told me.She stayed in Vancouver to take care of me so she had to stop her business.Also,since my dad was busy running his company in China,they seldom the chance to meet.After deliberate consideration,I decided to tell my mom that I want to go back to China.Mom and Dad were surprised by my decision because they knew that I love Vancouver,but they still agreed so we came back to China.After one year abroad,I was not used to the pressure of China’s high school any more.However,I was the person who made the decision,so I had to be responsible for it.I struggled and finally caught up with my classmates.My parents are sweet now and I am happy at school:I can not find anything more wonderful than that.And that is one thing unique about me which is the spirit of self-sacrificing.I struggled and finally caught up with my classmates.My parents are sweet now and I am happy at school:I can not find anything more wonderful than that.And that is one thing unique about me which is the spirit of self-sacrificing.I struggled and finally caught up with my classmates.My parents are sweet now and I am happy at school:I can not find anything more wonderful than that.And that is one thing unique about me which is the spirit of self-sacrificing.

1.根据学生的原始稿，这位学生想表达什么？所表达的是否直接回答了问题？

2.根据学生的原始稿，你读到哪里才看到了重点？

3.如果你是学校的主审者，你能看到这位学生的优点吗？你会录取他/她吗?

留学生作业网的essay修改如下：

What else makes me unique and colorful would be the strong capability to quick adjustment,the spirit of scarification,and the worldwide life experience.When I was young,my parents decided to send me to Canada for better education.The first year was so hard for me because of new language,new environment,and new learning.Fortunately,I made so many nice friends when joining the year book club.They not only help me to improve my English,but also taught me everything about Canada culture.After one year staying in Vancouver,I felt something changed to my mother.She seemed not happy at all because of the separation with my father and the sacrifice of her career.When I started to notice my mother’s emotion,I realized that I couldn’t be so selfish.My parents should not take any consequences for me.Therefore,I made a decision to return to China and spoke to my parents about my decision.Of course,they were so shocked by my considerate thought.But everything would be worth to have a completed family in China instead of to have a separated one in Canada.Even if I only spent one year in Canada,I felt that my life was more fun and experienced than other people at my age.My mind would be more open to new idea and new things.I believed that my quick adjustment capability,scarification spirit,and worldwide life experience would make added advances to my college life.And those are my unique values to your school.Even if I only spent one year in Canada,I felt that my life was more fun and experienced than other people at my age.My mind would be more open to new idea and new things.I believed that my quick adjustment capability,scarification spirit,and worldwide life experience would make added advances to my college life.And those are my unique values to your school.Even if I only spent one year in Canada,I felt that my life was more fun and experienced than other people at my age.My mind would be more open to new idea and new things.I believed that my quick adjustment capability,scarification spirit,and worldwide life experience would make added advances to my college life.And those are my unique values to your school.

看完主编的文章后，你觉得呢？开宗明义的，我直接把学生的优点点出，再一一加以“短述”，这样一来学校的主审者会非常清楚地知道你要表达什么，也知道你的优点是什么，你也成功的营销自己！那么一来，学校也很难不考虑收你咯！

写文章的手法百百种，重要的是你一定要先清楚的问自己，你想让学校知道什么？不要担心你的在校成绩不好，不要烦恼你没有任何代表性的奖状或奖杯，更不要轻易的看轻自己的优点；因为，每一个人都是独一无二的。